For many people who choose to live in France or spend long periods of time in France, understanding local customs is a key part of adapting to daily life. While administrative processes and language learning often take centre stage in the relocation process, the more subtle aspects of French life, such as social etiquette, are just as important. One area where cultural expectations can differ significantly is the matter of gifts and cards: should you bring a present when invited to dinner? What kind of gift is appropriate? Do French people give a card along with their present? Do they still send thank-you cards or birthday cards? These are small but meaningful questions that can help anyone settling in France feel more at ease in social situations.
To answer these questions, I created a short survey in French, asking French people about their habits around gift-giving and card-sending in social contexts. The results offer a helpful glimpse into the unspoken rules and traditions that guide social exchanges in France. Whether you're a newcomer, a holiday property owner, or someone with close French friends or family, these insights can help you navigate everyday encounters with greater ease and confidence.
Arriving Empty-Handed? Rarely.
The first thing the survey confirmed is that it is uncommon to arrive at someone’s home empty-handed, especially if you’ve been invited for a meal. While some respondents admitted that they occasionally skip the gift, most said they bring something almost every time.
This expectation is not limited to formal dinners. Even casual invitations such as a shared apéritif or a relaxed lunch, often come with the unspoken assumption that the guest will bring a small token of appreciation.
The rationale is simple: by offering a gift, the guest acknowledges the effort made by the host and contributes to the convivial atmosphere of the occasion. It is not a question of impressing the host or showing off; the gesture itself is what matters.
What Do People Bring?
The range of gifts mentioned by survey respondents reflects both tradition and personal taste, but several clear trends emerged:
1. Wine
Wine remains the classic and most frequently cited option. A good bottle of red, white, or sparkling wine is always welcome though some care should be taken not to bring an exceptionally expensive bottle, which could make the host feel uncomfortable. If you’re unsure, a mid-range local wine, ideally with a story behind it (a vineyard you visited or a type you particularly enjoy), is often the best choice.
2. Flowers
Flowers are also a common choice, especially when the host is someone the guest does not know well, or when invited for the first time. It’s worth noting that certain flowers carry symbolic meanings in France. Chrysanthemums, for instance, are associated with funerals so when in doubt, opt for neutral, cheerful bouquets.
3. Homemade Treats
Some guests like to prepare something at home to bring with them: a cake, a tart, or another dessert. This is more common when the guest has an informal or close relationship with the host. Homemade offerings are generally well received.
4. Regional Specialties or Gourmet Gifts
A thoughtful option mentioned by several respondents is to bring a specialty from one’s own region. This could be artisanal jam, biscuits, olive oil, or other gourmet items that reflect local flavours. These gifts carry personal meaning and also allow for a small cultural exchange, which many French hosts enjoy.
For Apéritifs: Contribution Is Expected
The apéritif or apéro is a cherished tradition in France, often involving an alcoholic drink and a few snacks in a relaxed setting. While it may seem informal, guests are still expected to bring something to contribute, even if it’s just a bag of crisps or a bottle of wine. Some people prepare dips or small savoury tarts to share. The idea is to show that you are not simply there to consume but to participate in the shared experience.
You can find more information about “apéritif” and “apéritif dînatoire” in my blog post A Guide to French Apéritif and Apéritif Dînatoire.
Staying the Weekend? Bring More.
The longer the stay, the more substantial the gesture. If you are invited to spend the weekend at someone’s home, or to stay for a holiday period, it is customary to bring something more generous.
Respondents to the survey mentioned:
Gift baskets with a mix of food and drink
Boxes of chocolates or sweets (especially if there are children)
Bottles of liqueur or champagne
Books, flowers, or even small decorative items for the home
In these situations, the gift reflects the time and effort your host is putting into accommodating you. It also establishes goodwill and often serves as a natural way to express your appreciation without resorting to formal thank-you notes.
Cards: Less Common, Still Meaningful
Another part of the survey explored whether people include cards with their gifts and whether they send cards at all. The results suggest that handwritten cards are becoming increasingly rare, though they are still valued.
When Giving a Gift
Most respondents said they do not include a card when offering a gift in person. A simple “joyeux anniversaire” or “merci encore” spoken aloud is considered sufficient. When a card is given, it is typically a folded card with a brief note.
This might come as a surprise to readers from the UK, where giving a card along with a present is almost a given, especially for birthdays or special occasions. In British culture, the card is an integral part of the gift, it conveys personal sentiment, often includes a handwritten message, and is chosen with care. In France, however, the emphasis tends to be more on the gesture of the gift itself and the shared moment, rather than on accompanying written words.
When Sending by Post
Cards sent by post are now the exception rather than the rule. Some respondents said they send cards for:
Condolences
Milestone birthdays
Weddings
Thank-you notes, though more often by email or text messages
Digital communication is replacing traditional cards in many contexts, though older generations may still maintain the habit of sending cards through the post.
Despite this decline, many people expressed a certain nostalgia for handwritten notes. When received, they are often kept and appreciated especially when written with care. In other words, while not expected, a thoughtful card can still have a powerful impact.
Practical Advice for Visitors and Residents
If you're an expat living in France or visiting friends there, here are a few practical takeaways:
Always bring a small gift when invited for a meal or to someone’s home.
Wine, flowers, and food items are usually safe and well-received choices.
For longer stays, choose a more thoughtful or regional gift.
Don’t worry about bringing a card unless you feel inspired to write one.
Never arrive empty-handed, even for an informal event like an apéritif.
Gifts are given freely and without the expectation of reciprocation.
Conclusion
Understanding how and when to give gifts in France can help smooth social interactions and deepen connections with friends and neighbours. Whether you’re spending a summer in your holiday home, settling into a new village as an expat, or simply joining friends for dinner, a small gift is a powerful way to show respect and gratitude. And just as importantly, knowing what is expected (or not expected) can help reduce the anxiety that sometimes comes with receiving an invitation. Whether you’re invited for a formal meal, a relaxed apéritif, or an apéritif dînatoire, having a sense of what French people typically bring allows you to arrive with confidence and feel more at ease.
A Word of Thanks : I’d like to warmly thank my friends, family, and friends of friends who kindly took the time to answer the survey and share their habits so openly. Un grand merci à mes amis, à ma famille, et aux amis de mes amis qui ont bien voulu répondre à ce petit sondage !
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